Table of Contents
About Jeff & I
Total Failure ?
In this page we will discuss the order God has set up for women to
follow. One of the greatest temptations a woman faces is to usurp her
husband's place of authority. When we succumb to this temptation we open
doors to the adversary and he comes in and out at will to do us and our families
grave damage. Let us explore this area so that we can shut the door once
and for all. It's an exciting thing to be in the center of God's will, but
it requires diligence and a willingness to keep your flesh in check.
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in
Here we see that the husband/wife relationship is likened to our L-rd and his
relationship to the "called out believers". Just as the
believers will only be successful if they submit to the authority of Yeshua, the
wife will only be successful if submitted to her husband. Submission
doesn't have to be the end of life for the woman. Yeshua gave himself up
for the body of believers. If we keep the picture of the
"church" as our example and "Yeshua" as the example of the
husband we can gain great understanding. We are surrounded by women who
are seeking "equality" when what they end up with is rebellion to the
order of God. When I hear women teach their daughters that "you can
be anything you want to be"; I want to cry. God has created women to
fill a role; a precious role. If we walk in rebellion to His plan, we are
doomed. We see a rise in lesbianism, in failed marriages, in suicide
amongst women and women in jail. Teen pregnancy is still epidemic, and
abortions are common practice; even among "Christian" women. Is
this because women are more submitted to the men in their lives? I believe
it's because women are less submitted.
WHAT IS SUBMISSION?
With the education of our world in regards to many oppressive religions, women get
nervous when they hear teaching about submission. It doesn't sound
nearly so scary
when we consider submitting to Yeshua. We don't see him leading us into oppressive
lives full of sadness and limitations, but when we consider having to submit to
a man things are different. One of the greatest lessons I learned was to
believe God's word in this area. When I submitted to my husband's
authority he keeps me covered and the adversary couldn't find a place to catch
10:1 "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber.
The adversary came to Eve in the garden to kill, steal and destroy. He
didn't come to the head, but he came up another way. His subtlety caused
Eve to usurp her husband's authority and to be tricked into eating of the
forbidden fruit and later she fed it to her husband. She submitted to
the adversary rather than to her own husband. DANGER, DANGER. The
adversary is still using this trick on women today. A third of all the angels
follow the enemy. He has authority over them. They are doing his work and work
to come to the woman in order to continue the deception that Eve walked in.
When the adversary comes to me to get me to do something out of order I have
some steps I take to deal with him.
Submit to God by submitting to my husband.
Resist the adversary (by saying "I resist you and your
thoughts in the name of Y'shua/Jesus".)
Tell my husband the adversary was tempting me in a given area.
The adversary has to flee.
Recognizing the adversary isn't always easy unless you spend time in the
word. You don't always know he's coming in the back door unless you know
the word in a given arena. Let's look at an example of this to make your
My husband told me "don't worry about the bills, I'll take care of
them". I hear this thought come to my head "He never
remembers to pay the bills on time". Instead of just listening
to my husband's words I listen to the adversary and start worry by
rearranging the bills, by looking at the dates they are due, by looking at the
checkbook, and finally by bugging him to pay them. This is a normal
scenario that the adversary will use. What could I have done instead?
My husband tells me "Don't worry about the bills, I'll take care of
them". Again the adversary comes with thoughts of rebellion.
Instead of listening blindly to his suggestions I say "I resist you satan,
I refuse to open the backdoor to you. In the name of Yeshua leave me
now". He may try a couple more times, but my reaction is the
same. I resist his onslaught and then I go to the Father and let Him know
what's going on. I then go to my husband and tell him that the adversary
is tempting me to worry and let him know that I trust him to take care of it
all. That's where I take my stand and eventually the enemy flees.
This has never failed to work and whatever my husband promises gets
This is only one example. The more time you put this in practice, the
more time you spend in the word, the easier it becomes to recognize the
"backdoor approach" of the adversary.
Submission lifts you into a higher realm than the natural realm. It
will get you out of trouble every time. Yeshua submitted to God and although he
died the death of all deaths, he was exalted and given a name above every
name. The power of submission is so awesome!
that order effects the family is when we get our order of priorities out of
sync. Here is God's order of things. If you get out of it, you will
get in trouble. Some women will argue with this order, but if you're married you
should take care of your husband and put him first. Many women spend so
much time trying to serve God first that their husbands are left out in the
cold. Women so crave to have "their own ministries" not
realizing that God has given them a ministry in caring for their husbands and
1 Cor 7:34-35
But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world-how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
1 Cor 7:34-35
34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world--how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
If you look closely there may seem to be missing something in this very
short list, but there isn't. I will add more as I am lead because until we
get this order in line we can't successfully minister anywhere else. A woman
who doesn't put her husband first acts like an unmarried woman and brings shame
to herself and to her husband. If our husbands aren't cared for, we aren't
serving God. To do a job that wasn't designed for us is to ask for failure
and disappointment. There is nothing as unattractive as a woman who leads
her husband around by his nose. There is also nothing as unattractive as a
woman who claims God has called her to minister, but her husband is neglected
and her children act like orphans. Go into a godly woman's home and her
house is clean, meals are prepared, laundry is done, children are well mannered,
and God is well pleased. Go into a home where the woman is out of order
and her husband is usually somewhere else, who knows where her children are, if
the house is clean someone else has done most of the work, and strife is
Tell tale signs that the adversary is using you as a back door.
You hear your husband's words as suggestions as not as commands to be
You are tempted to listen first to some other man or woman rather than
You are tempted to hide the fact that you have purchased something.
You are tempted to hide things from your husband.
You are tempted to talk to your friends about your husband.
Your own plan gets first priority and hubbie's comes second.
You are asked by someone something that should have been asked of your
In a group, folks listen to you rather than your husband.
You are known in the gates, but your husband is left in your shadow.
You talk more than you listen.
You make most of the decisions in your home.
You husband suggests something, but you do things your way.
Your children have no respect for their father.
You belittle your husband before your children or others.
You feel that "you know better" than your husband.
You don't treat your husband the way you would treat the L-rd.
Your husband has no respect for you.
You are Queen of the castle, and he is the doormat.
You willingly listen to someone belittle your husband.
You have separate accounts at the bank.
You have your money and he has his.
You have control of most of the money and access to the rest.
Your husband asks you for money and you say NO.
For women with believing husbands: Going out beyond the home. We
read about the women of God who do alms deeds. We also read about women
who sell girdles to the merchants and bring food from long distances. They
manage vineyards and gardens and can handle big loads. The average young
bride shouldn't be asked to do such things. She should be focusing on her
husband and her children. A brand new bride should keep all her focus on
her husband for the first 12 months.
Working outside the home is really a temptation, but one that I personally
believe should be resisted. I also believe that people who say that
running a home on one income can't be done are people who love material
possessions too much. The sacrifices made in early married life will
afford happily married couples the ability to do many wonderful things because
they have put their trust in God and not in their own ability to
The world has many ways to tempt the believer, they "evangelize"
through mass media and are very effective. If I am having trouble wanting
too much "stuff", it's usually because I'm watching too much TV,
reading too many magazines, or spending too much time in the market place.
Covetous behaviors are developed by exposure to the never ending advertisements
that the world pumps at its targets. Let us not be won by such deceptive
practices. It is very much like building a bar next door to an alcohol
rehabilitation hospital. You can expect few successes if weak people are
barraged by strong temptations. Guard you heart by abstaining or fasting
from T, radio, magazines or other temptations. You will quickly learn to
recognize their schemes and given enough exercise, you can even overcome their
Once you make the decision to be a "stay home wife or mom" you will
immediately be tempted to return to work. The children's behavior will
become deplorable. Your finances will be put to the test. Your
husband may lose his job. You may find yourself bored with housework and
childcare. Do not give in! The adversary is attempting to sift you
like so much wheat, but we have the power to overcome if we remain faithful and
do not faint. Take time in the word. Let your husband know about
your struggles. Confession will help you overcome these temptations:
I can do all things through Christ (the Anointed one and his anointing)
who strengthens me.
I am a joyful mother of children.
My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in glory by
Christ Jesus (the Anointed one and his anointing) Yeshua.
I am a Keeper of my home.
I am an obedient, submissive wife.
I trust in the L-rd with all my heart, I do not lean to my own
understanding, I acknowledge God in all my ways and He directs my path.
My husband is the high priest of my home.
My husband is the head of this home as Christ is the head of the church.
I love my husband therefore I submit to him.
My husband is known in the gates, amongst the elders.
I walk in the word and put it first place in my life.
God has promised that those who are faithful over little shall be made master
over much. Women who struggle to be head, to be known, to be masters of
their own destiny are shooting far short of what God has for them. They
are certainly ignorant of the benefits of submission and patience, and short
sighted to the glories that are in store for women who know their place in the
kingdom and walk in it.
I think about Dorcas (Tabitha) and get great peace about my stand. Here
is a woman who dies too early in her life. Her friends mourn her so much
that it causes the L-rd himself to do something absolutely wonderful. He
raises her from the dead. What was she known for? For evangelizing a
million souls? For building some great monument to womanhood? For writing
some Pulitzer prize winning book? No for making beautiful garments for the
people she knew. There were most certainly many woman who died prematurely
that were not revived by the L-rd. The women he reaches out to is one who
sews and clothes the people around her.
I also remember the heathen woman who begs for healing for her demon
possessed child. She is willing to see herself as a dog in order to obtain
favor from Yeshua and receives deliverance and healing for her daughter.
Most women today would have been so offended at his words, but this woman
realizes that he is right; she is a dog lapping at the feet of the children of
God . According to the covenant of the Jews she was outside and had no
right to the bread (healing & deliverance) of the children of God. So
she realizes that without a covenant she can not get the healing her child
needs. She touches the heart of Yeshua and he speaks the word of
deliverance. Her every thought was to obtain healing for her child.
Today the average woman might consider putting her child in an institution so
that she can continue her career. Worse yet, if the doctors had done a sonogram
and had discovered some malady prior to birth, she might have simply aborted the
child. This Syro-Phoenician woman had her priorities in order. Her child
needed healing and she went where she needed to go to obtain it. She
sacrificed self to see to the healing of her baby.
Today I am able to do many remarkable things that I resisted doing when I was
younger. My daughter was home-schooled for most of her education and she
is following in my footsteps. My husband is definitely known in the gates
and our marriage is much more happy and durable than in the early days. I
would be lying to say that I didn't fall into the trap a few times. I put
my daughter in private school because I was afraid to homeschool. I went
to work a couple of times to keep from being bored. Each time I would fall
into the trap my home life would suffer. I hated cooking and cleaning
because I was so tired. I argued with my husband because eating out was so
expensive. I spent more than I made and I was mad at the world most of the
time. In submitting to my bosses, I was outside God's order and therefore
was miserable. Their requests got wilder and wilder. Eventually I
realized that I should be at home and quit. Today I'm still offered jobs
outside my home, but the temptation just isn't there any more. I know the
blessings of running my home, of being queen of the castle and no amount of
money would take me outside these walls. I'm not bored. I am able to
do a multitude of things (with my husband's blessings) and I love my life and
know I am well pleasing to God and my husband. I don't know too many women
who work outside the home that can honestly say that.
For women with unbelieving husbands: You have to live under a
different set of rules, but G_d can bless you nonetheless. Obedience to
your husband until he believes is your first priority. He may require you to
work outside the home, or may demand you stay home. Whatever it is,
remember to go to the Father with your problem and issues. If you live
with a violent man, you have some hard choices. Life is the first order
and you can't believe for a husband if you are dead. If your husband acts
out his anger by striking you, you may need to seek shelter until his anger
passes. There are shelters all over the nation for women who are
beaten. It is no shame to visit these shelters. Your main concern may be
that some shelters may require you prosecute your husband or even divorce
him. You will have to decide what God wants you to do. Your pastor
can help you make these really tough decisions. If you don't have a
pastor, you will definitely want to communicate with God and get some Godly
counsel from believers in your neighborhood. Being beaten isn't
normal. Being neglected isn't normal. Having your children beaten or
sexually abused isn't normal. These are bad things, and you should seek
help. You are not a bad person if your husband beats you. You are
not a bad person if your husband neglects you. You are not a bad person if
your husband abuses you or or children. He needs help and he needs the
love of God.
I have friends who stood for their husbands for decades and finally they came
to the Father. I also have friends who have stood for decades and their
husbands are as ugly as the beginning of their marriage and some have grown
worse. You will have to seriously seek the Father for the really hard
answers. Don't let your husband convince you that you are the
problem. Just get help! You are beloved of God and He doesn't want
you to live under such oppression.