Table of Contents
About Jeff & I
Total Failure ?
A newsletter dedicated to those of you who have suffered the
loss of a spouse through adultery.
Adultery has to be one of the most insidious things to affect a marriage.
My husband and I have lived through it and have the scars that it left to prove
it. Today we recognize it for the death trap it is and shun it like an
open sewage pit. In the upcoming weeks I will give scriptures, examples
and personal revelation about adultery and its offspring. You can be
victorious over it, and you can keep it from entering your life.
If you are a mature believer and have successfully come through adultery with
your marriage intact , please consider sharing your story. I would like to
have more than my personal story to give. I will not give names, but
merely share the lessons you've learned with others so they can avoid or survive
the ravages of adultery.
What is adultery? Intimacy including sexual and emotional
bonding with anyone who is not your spouse.
Why shouldn't we commit adultery? Exodus 20:14 warns, "Thou shalt
not commit adultery". Because God told us not to commit adultery
and since He can see the end from the beginning and He created marriage, we
should obey. God is a good Father and a Creator. He recognizes
everything evil and destructive. He is a good shepherd and cares for His
flock tenderly. In so doing He watches for wolves, bears and lions.
Adultery is more like a hyena, it is sneaky and conniving. It laughs at
marriage and fidelity (faithfulness). It has a hunched back and is
downright ugly. Father God knows this and warns us in advance that we
shouldn't partake in it. The Lord in the New Covenant is just as against
adultery as the Father was in the Old. Here are verses that he personally
speaks on the subject:
We were created to be faithful to our spouses. Genesis 2:21-25 tells us that God caused a deep sleep to come upon Adam. He did
a new creative work by taking a wife out of man. He took Adam's rib and
formed woman from its cells. ( Can you think of another time where a man
went into a deep sleep, his side was split and his bride was taken from his
side? That is precisely what happened to Yeshua on the cross!) Man was complete, but alone before this "operation". He
had animals as his daily companions, but he was alone. God would come
and go and walk with him, but man needed a constant companion and helpmeet,
someone to look at face to face.
So Adam prophesies what marriage is to be. A man shall leave his mother
and father and cleave to his wife. Here we have a picture that man left
his God from time to time to cleave to his wife. In this cleaving they
would experience that unity of "one flesh" that he had before the separation.
This is also a picture of our Messiah, Yeshua and the separation we are
experiencing while he is with God. He will return and we shall once
again cleave to him at the Marriage Feast of the Lamb! Can you see thy
symbolism and significance of the picture that an earthly marriage paints?
It's no wonder God is repulsed by adultery, infidelity and
The adversary is subtle in drawing us into adultery. He follows family
lines and knows who is more likely to commit adultery. If your ancestors were
prone to adultery, you will be more likely to fall for the trap. He has had
almost 6000 years to learn how to trick and trap men/women in sin. He
knows just exactly what bait to use to lure and then "hook" each of us.
Let no man say when he is tempted, "I am tempted of God": for God cannot be
tempted with evil, neither tempts he any man, but every man is tempted, when
he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived,
it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.
If we study the examples of men in the bible
who have taken part of adultery we can see that it brings death to those who
participate in it. Worse yet, it affects the families of those who are
involved in it. Let's study the story of David and Bathsheba.
Before we go on you must read 2 Samuel 11-12. Here we have
the story of King David and Bathsheba. They end up together committing
adultery and Bathsheba ends up pregnant. In order to cover their sin
they hatch a scheme to make Bathsheba's husband believe he is the father of
this illegitimate child. The plan fails and in order for David to hide
his sins he sends a faithful servant Uriah into the frontlines of the battle
hoping he will be killed. This is murder. David goes from one sin
to another. After Uriah dies David marries Bathsheba. Thinking his
sin is covered he goes on about his business. The one thing he doesn't
count on is that God Himself has seen the whole lurid affair. He sends
His prophet Nathan to deal with David. Not only does David fail to see
himself in the story that Nathan portrays, but he has no mercy in his heart
for the one he believes the story is about. He wants this guy punished
for a much smaller crime than his own. When the prophet reveals that the
story is about David, the gravity of the situation hits King David.
If you read Psalm 51 you will see a song of David's repentance (teshuvah).
Problem is that the death cycle that his sin created isn't finished yet.
He will suffer the loss of his first born son because of his lust.
Adultery like all sin has dire consequences. There is no way to be
partaker of such sin and not have it "burn" you.
What can you do if you're caught up in adultery? Adultery is just
like any sin, a work of the flesh. Like all other sin you can overcome
it. If you are the adulterous one, you have to make a decision that your
covenant with your spouse is eternal. If you don't begin with that
thought, you won't ever be free of adultery. If your spouse in involved
in adultery, you have to again make the decision whether your marriage
covenant is eternal. You are "technically" free if your spouse commits
adultery, but if you're like I was I knew God had a call on my husband's life.
I knew if I abandoned him in his sin, he'd miss God's best and end up dying
prematurely. I had to stand for him. God asked me "How long
would you want him to stand for you if you were in his shoes"? I had
to stand for his deliverance. He also told me "Love them, they don't
know what love is". This was the turning point for me. I had two
very clear words from God. I also had a word God gave me before I was
born again or married "This is the man you'll spend the rest of your life
with". With these three words I began to build a foundation of love
and faith to overcome the deceiving forces at work in his life. I
started looking for scriptures on love. I looked for ones on marriage,
wives, husbands, adultery, faithfulness and whatever else had to do with our
situation. I began to write them down, to meditate upon them. I
began the diligent search that saved my marriage. You will have to do
the same. I can't study for you. I can't meditate on the
scriptures for you. I can't find the pearls of wisdom that will set you
free. You will have to do that. If you are the "guilty" party, say
so! Don't deny that what you're doing is wrong, just because it "feels
so right". My girlfriend thought it felt so good, so right, but God
would never give her my huband. Well, if you
know the word at all there IS pleasure in sin for a season, but then end
thereof is death. Here are a list of things you can do, first if you're
the adulterer and the second if your spouse is the adulterer:
Confess your sin.
Make a decision that your marriage covenant is eternal.
If your single, make a decision that your fellow sinner's marriage
covenant is eternal.
Turn from adultery towards God.
He loves you and is waiting for you. He wants you just the way you are. Let
Him be God and let Him love you to wholeness.
Look for scriptures on adultery, forgiveness of sin, marriage, holiness.
Read these scriptures
Write them down
Confess them out loud
Resist the temptations that come to your mind. Say "I resist you
Cast down vain imaginations. Say, "I cast that thought down
under the anointing of the scripture for it is written "Thou shalt not
Thank God for delivering your from the spirit of adultery.
Thank God for for sending Yeshua to pay for your sin.
Forgive your co-adulterer
Stay away from your co-adulterer (don't call, don't think of him/her,
Thank God for your spouse.
Thank God for making your spouse able to meet your needs.
Call yourself a faithful spouse. Say "I am faithful to God and
to my spouse".
Find a pastor who dislikes divorce and adultery, but is compassionate.
Confess to him.
Keep a dialog going with the Lord.
Make a decision your marriage is eternal before God.
Forgive your spouse (Say "On this date I forgive my husband/wife".)
Forgive his co-adulterer (Say "On this date I forgive___________".)
Don't record each discretion. Don't recite your spouse's sin to
Don't focus on what caused the adultery, the adversary is to blame.
Find scriptures dealing with adultery, marriage, faithfulness, love,
hope, and forbearance.
Read these scriptures.
Meditate on them. Speak them, think about them, compare them to
Write them down.
Confess them out loud.
When the temptation to fear arises, resist it by say, "ing "I resist you
Stay away from your spouses co-adulterer. (don't call,
don't think of her/her, don't write)
Find a pastor who hates divorce and adultery, but loves you.
Confess your faults.
Keep an open dialog with the Lord.
Don't shun your spouse.
Don't rush intimacy with your spouse. Go slowly.
Don't run out and commit adultery to get "even". It never evens
Email me to be in agreement for deliverance for you and hubby.
Don't give up. If you make the decision that you will never quit
standing and don't stop.